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Friday, February 29, 2008/ 11:15 PM go on now. i laugh. You claim your innocence, but I blame your reticence For why I never knew no, never knew how you play. One love has two equal parts, but you leave your love with your mark On your unfortunate prey. But there is no excuse, I don’t like being used. And someday it’s gonna get back to you. You’re so predictable man. You hit the ground and you ran. Ran as if I, if I could chase you. But your dear delectable prize 'neath your near electrical skies Is damn near disappointment at most. I didn’t know I paid for merely a masquerade. So I want my money back , hey. CHORUS You’re sorry that you hurt me so bad Sorry if I thought you were madly in love You only just pretend to start something that you can end. Sorry you’re addicted to cruel Sorry has nothing to do with you Go on play your games cause I’m sorry I’m too good for you anyways. How is it up on your high horse You know we miss you of course But if a moment ever rolls around you might be interested in looking down Cause you’re not so far from the ground I was a fool for you but you were foolish too. And fools never get the last laugh CHORUS You’re sorry that you hurt me so bad Sorry if I thought you were madly in love You only just pretend to start something that you can end. Sorry you’re addicted to cruel Sorry has nothing to do with you Go on play your games cause I’m sorry I’m too good for you anyways. You were an open book, but after a second look I realized I was wasting my time I know how the story goes and everyone looks for a hero And here we are one at a time, standing in line to tell you you’re not mine. But you’re sorry CHORUS You’re sorry that you hurt me so bad Sorry if I thought you were madly in love You only just pretend to start something that you can end. Sorry you’re addicted to cruel Sorry has nothing to do with you Go on play your games cause I’m sorry I’m too good for you anyways. what goes around comes around babe. i laugh at your or rather their hardwork. |
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/ 10:05 PM just absurd i shake my head at your friend's absurdity you better make sure they hold your 'oh-so-manly' words keeping quiet doesn't mean i surrender there's no point arguing so much for your last warning eh go warn your friends instead. just absurd. *don't worry people im not going into a war again. he and his comrades are just not worth my brain cells. this is the reason why this blog is not going public for now. and yes. i have agreed to not taunt him and his friends anymore. so don't k. we shall settle this in a mature way. we stand on our ground of not taunting them anymore. but if they crosses the line. thats it. im going in for the kill. im breathing. i am. |
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/ 4:30 PM let him see. set him free we made things happen. all you have to do is to believe in it. clear all negative thoughts and things will happen. i made it happen. the same picture. two different scenarios. but one common motive. let him see his errors. set him free from his crazy world. he saw and now he's free. and i went to sleep feeling light and happy like before. i've moved on. completely over him. ......three times three, let them see ......three times three, set them free told you not to try me. i thrive in challenges. and yet again i proved myself right. =) |
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/ 4:25 PM graduation project.terrorism talk.3am ahh yes one more module to graduation project. have to start thinking of ideas for GP. haha. i have ideas in mind. i have i have. last night was the threshold of everything. blows were exchanged. i wanted to say 'eat shit'. hahaha. but nope. i didn't. nvm lah ehh. i shall stop everything. infact i did. anyways, moving on.. "hi, i just got back from arab st. went to drink teh." haha. my first reaction was huh? u drink teh go drink lah. tell me for what. haha. but i decided to be a very nice person and we chatted. until 3am. yes. 3am. luckily i didn go blank during exam. if not. sure dead. haha. from teh. we moved on to the taboo topic in my life currently. and he said "nvm when i become a policeman you can file a report". what the heck. 11 march is still a long way to go. so we moved on to the policeman and your future topic. whatever will be, will be. and from the policeman topic we discussed abt terrorism. and he started to feeling feeling again. one day you can catch him ehh. hahah. we shall see mr policeman. haha. and finally i had to shoo him away cos its already 3am. i need to sleep laaa. haha. everything is well now. and i see a bright future of me. thanks sis,cousin,cousin's frens,lovely friends and ohh. sis's fiance for standing up with me in my fight of the blog terrorism. haha. i love yous alls. =) |
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Wednesday, February 27, 2008/ 12:20 AM LOL personal studies are increasingly demonstrating that social valuation of the stronger sex is seriously over-rated seriously.over rated. such that their ego has ballooned to something thats beyond saving. no looks, but with brains anything goes in life well that makes a difference between someone who's well read and someone who is just so-so. i know you know what i mean =) |
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Monday, February 25, 2008/ 1:50 PM 4 hours i broke record. haha. talked on the phone from midnight all the way to 4am. and it was filled with laughters and 'feeling feeling' session. haha. mr ronaldo 'imitation'. thanks for accompanying me and making me laugh like a crazy person in the middle of the night. luckily my sister didn't mind it. if not i would be in deep shit laaa. 12am - 4am plus. can't remember the exact timing cos i was too tired and sleepy after all that. haha. we talked about so many things. the past, the present and the future. not our future together but our each and individual future. im sorry if some of my words doesn't make sense cos im still sleepy but mmr revision has to officially start. if not im doomed. haha. mr ronaldo 'imitation' is still the same. super irritating. haha. 4hrs and he fell asleep on the phone. how funny. its been such a long time since i had such a great laugh in the middle of the night. haha. thanks for the great laugh and the 'i want to cheer you up' line every 10 seconds. i get your point lah. haha. and ppl, there's nothing to tell because nothing happened. it was just a harmless and friendly conversation that lasted throughout the night. i will tell if there is real news. for now. nope. no plans to get attached again. im a SINGLETON yet again. haha. im sleepy but revision continues. haha. cheers =) |
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Sunday, February 24, 2008/ 10:35 PM lets groove i think its time for my blog to have some life in it. and yes i mean songs. haha. been listening to the radio alot these few days. whether on my way to school, in school during short breaks or going back from school. and im really really really addicted to songs that are performed live or acoustics. i just love soaking in the atmosphere and also the strumming of the guitars. sighs. nicee.. 1) incubus - love hurts (in acoustics. prefer this in acoustic rather than the normal sound. it captures the essence of the song. "Love hurts But sometimes it's a good hurt And it feels like I'm alive..." and these few lines captured me. so love hurts but it wakes me up. real bad. shook me like how an earthquake shakes the city. darn.) 2) bryan adam - everything i do, i do it for you (my all time fav. you know its true. i guess the word in it are self explanatory yea. enjoys.) 3) bryan adam - please forgive me (thanks ahh nurul. got me addicted to the song. darn. haha. nice words and if someone sings this for me. i'll melt like ive never melted before. but too bad guys, my heart is like a stone now. so it'll take more than just a song to make me melt.) 4) queen - bohemian rhapsody (simply love the song. listen to the lyrics people. and you'll know what i mean. damn. so nice. ) 5) whitney houston - i have nothing (another nice tune from a great singer. "I never knew Love like I've known it with you.Will a memory survive,One I can hold on to?" hold on to the memory but slowly let it go. don't let it consume you.) 6) michael learns to rock - 25 minutes (i so want to say the lines to someone in the future. haha. oh wells i won't get the chance though. who's getting married again?? hahaha.) 7) the kooks - she moves in her own way (i love her because she moves in her own way. haha. borders introduced me to this song. over at info 3. damn addictive. hahaha. the british accent. damn nice.) 8) oasis - champagne supernova (acoustics! told ya i love acoustics and guitars. hahaha. and yet another british accented group. darn nice. woohoo!) 9) neyo feat rihanna - hate that i love you (okays okays. bimbotic. but hey when you're in love its true. i was in deep shit love so it was true. but nahh. no point then but still, nice song. for those teens who claim they know so much about love.) 10) alicia keys - when you really love someone (heart alicia keys. i wanna have her hair. hahaha. damn random. but who cares.) love hurts but atleast i know that im alive. thanks for giving me love for that short period of time. thanks for waking me up to reality. thank you from the bottom of my heart. and thanks to you, the old fidah is almost back and im alive. thanks. stay happy and may you succeed in life dear friend. with love, afidah (kaur?) hahahaha. lame. but inside joke people. haha. back to mmr revision. dammit. |
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/ 3:05 PM teleported to turkey back to my dream that i had, i remembered the architecure of the mosque. the image of the mosque is still vivid in my head and so i googled for it. and the first search result that i found was the correct one. the one that i dreamt of. the background while we were walking together.  i remember the steps. i remember it all. i remember the door. i remember the architectural landscape of the mosque.  being there gave me a sense of calmness and peace at heart. and being there with someone whom i do not know yet she was able to provide me peace and calmness. it just felt nice.    i will go there someday. ive always wanted to go there. turkey. where east meets west. =) |
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/ 2:00 PM smiles i dreamt of an important person in his life. and after jotting down what i remembered in the dream, googled them. and the meanings are quite shockingly true of what ive been experiencing recently. haha. Water Seeing water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. Seeing calm, clear water in your dream means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It indicates serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation. Seeing muddy or dirty water in your dream indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to devote some time to clarify your mind and find internal peace. Alternatively, it suggests that your thinking/judgment is unclear and clouded. If you are immersed in muddy water, then it indicates that you are in over your head in a situation and are overwhelmed by your emotions. Dreaming that water is rising up in your house means your struggles and overwhelming emotions. Hearing running water in your dream indicates meditation, reflection and pondering of your thoughts and emotions. Dreaming that you are walking on water, suggests that you have supreme and ultimate control over your emotions. It may also suggest that you need to "stay on top" of your emotions and not let them explode out of hand. Alternatively, it is symbolic of faith in yourself. Walking Dreaming that you are walking with ease, represents the way you are moving through life and progress toward your goals. Consider your destination. Dreaming that you have difficulties walking indicates that you are reluctant and hesitant in proceeding forward in some situation. You may also be trying to distance yourself from certain life experiences. The difficulty in walking is a reflection of your current situation and the obstacles that you are experiencing. Dreaming that you are walking at night means discontent and struggle for contentment. Smile Dreaming that you or others are smiling means that you are pleased with your achievements and approve of the decisions you have made. You will be rewarded for the good things you've done for others. Alternatively, you may be seeking for something or someone that will make you happy Night Dreaming of night means some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. You may find that some issues you are facing are not all that clear and you need to put them to rest for awhile before a decision is made. Green Peace. Tranquillity. The Earth. Money. A journey. Good news. Blue Denotes a great source of inner peace and a symbol of contentment. Religious Icon Icons in general seem to bring a message that coming changes in your life, however stressful they may be, are beneficial and can be dealt with fairly easily. Mother Mother may symbolize the unconscious; intuitive self; natural instinctive life; the source of nourishment and growth for the psyche. Gate Gate To see or pass through a gate in your dream, suggests that you are walking through a new phase of life. It also represents new opportunities and possibilities. To see a closed gate in your dream, signifies your inability to overcome current difficulties. If you are unable to open the gate, then it indicates that your hard work will be seen as unsatisfactory. It may also mean that you are not ready or not prepared to move on to the next step. dreaming of a mother figure is understandable knowing how i need support and strength now. but to dream of his mother is something i can never comprehend up till now. amidst the partial darkness, i could see clearly that she was wearing a green baju kurung, she held my hand firm and led me to the same direction she was heading to. she gave me the widest smile and the warmest hug and i could sense her sincerity even in my dream. she stroked my hair and it felt nice. and there was this very nicely looking mosque all the way while we were walking and when i woke up i felt weirdly at peace. and weirdly my mother appeared as a cameo for a few seconds. she opened a gate for me and i walked out with his mother. how nicely disturbing. it felt nice and uplifting though. after much thoughts, ive come to a conclusion that certain difficulties in life is hard to comprehend. but with the support and love that i receive from the people around me and also with faith and constant prayers for patience and calmness of the heart, i will be able to move on and have new opportunities in life, whether in love, health, finance. to all those who have been with me all along, wishing me luck and prosperity. thanks for the prayers. i will attain my peace of mind. i will get the old fidah back. thank you. and to his mother (i know you're not reading this), take care and my prayers were always for you, your health and happiness in life. they will always be. |
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Saturday, February 23, 2008/ 1:00 PM saturday after a hectic 10 days of school finally i smell freedom. but not an entire freedom. there's still exam but atleast no more presentation and powerpoint. haha. that was hell man. now there's graduation project to think about. and the idea has to be submitted by march 6. woah. haha. im thinking of choosing between public relations and electronic media. advertising is out of the question. mass media research is also a nevermind choice. haha. journalism. how do i do presentation for that eh? haha. will see how print media is but for now it's either public relations or electronic media. so that will be 5000-7000 words. haha. coolness. so presentation was alright in general. the background sucks cos i only had a few minutes to prepare the speech and i wasn't even familiar with the slides. haha. and besides everything that was on the slide was different than what i had intended to speak. haha. halfway through, the laptop crashed! not my laptop, nic's laptop. haha. the horror on our faces was humorous laa. haha. the screen went blue and haha. but thank god everything went well and we received good grades for the presentation. woohoo! esh esh, when are we watching sophie's choice? hehe. i want to watch the pianist also. haha. and munich. haha. and speckie was HOT laaa. wear like that more in the future k. hehe. stop it fidah. haha. speckie. lalalalalala. hahaha. =) |
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/ 12:32 PM despicable me im truly sorry for what ive done. i didn mean to cause you anymore grieve i didn mean to please don't say you'll leave me cos that'll be a blow for me please don't say you hate me cos i hate myself even more now im truly sorry for all the pain i caused you I just wanted to say I'm sorry: This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days You get older and blame turns to shame friend, im sorry for what ive done. im ashame of myself. please forgive me please give me one last chance to redeem myself, to gain back your trust dear god, if you can hear me cry, tell him i love him and miss him so tell him i regret what ive done from the bottom of my heart tell him i want to turn over a new leaf dear god, please give me the strength that i need to overcome all obstacles in life dear god, please give me the courage to face myself in the mirror dear god, please give me the support that i need dear god, please give me him im sorry |
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Friday, February 22, 2008/ 2:50 AM zombie mass commers  i am shagged. been hitting the sack at 4, 5am everyday. body aches, head aches, neck aches, heart aches. basically my every part of the body is aching. darn. anyone can give me a damn good massage? i am in desperate need of it right now. it feels so very shittified. haha. and while waiting for nic to send the powerpoint over, i have decided to just rant and rant and rant. haha.people in class have been lugging around their laptop for the past 2 weeks to school and similarly, me too. i think i've developed some sort of muscle on my right arm. haha. i need a laptop carrier helper in the form of a guy. haha. just kidding laa. haha. and its not helping that the walk to school is damn far and just excruciating. been dressing up rather slack for school cos its at queenstown anyways. and i won't be meeting people after school. so no point dressing to kill. haha. after presentation, i will make sure i get that sleep that i long for so much. i don't care if i turn out to be the sleeping beauty in the cartoon. cos i need sleep! I NEED SLEEP. the other 2 team mates are sleep deprived too and we dragged ourselves out of bed just to get to school. all in the name of MMR. damn. haha. im tired and im sleep deprived. darns.  somehow life is changing and the changes are extreme. one that i can't really comprehend. why is this happening to me? i want to meet a friend of mine but school's being such a bitch and the other party's commitment is also another factor. it's been a week and i miss that friend of mine. dear fate, please be nice and conjure up something for us. haha. i miss my friend. i'm still weighing the available options. so it's either here or there. i do not want to leave my friends yet the thought of it is just mouth-watering. haha. temptations. i can't stand it. fell asleep on my laptop while waiting for the powerpoint to be completed. blahhh. the whole group is in msn doing work, giving each other encouragement and slogging our ass off for this assignment. we're the chiongsters! |
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Thursday, February 21, 2008/ 2:00 AM our beginning  this is for a dear friend that i have for 5 months now. and i know you know who you are. understand understood ehh. haha. anyways, i just want to tell you that you're greatly appreciated and cherished. thanks for the 5 months friendship and you are a good friend. thus, i would like to take this opportunity to apologize from the bottom of my heart for all my wrong doings towards you. thanks for being such a great friend and making my life a colourful one. thanks pal for everything. i cherish the memories. our memories. it's nothing much but i hope this will be sufficient to tell you what i'm feeling now. =) dear friend 5 months and i feel honoured each outing you make it grand though sometimes you make me blur dear friend thank you for all those memories and as a new chapter begins we will mark it with a band (im sorry.. but i just need words to rhyme them up. haha) dear friend new memories will be formed but all the old ones will still be remembered the tiffs, arguements, and our rants they will stay with me for all the years to come  and as the cartoon says thanks for being there although we will never end up in jail but we've been through thick and thins i greatly appreciate all that may you succeed in life dear friend from someone who wishes you well in life, health, and everything else that you do. i'm always here and i'll always care. with love, afidah |
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Wednesday, February 20, 2008/ 1:18 AM panic in the disco. (maybe k-box) i would love to press the panic button now. freaking panicking. but nope. lets stay calm girls. we can do it. according to the secret, whatever you think will come to you. so think of success! yay! life is changing for me. the course of life is shifting for the better. i'm able to handle my emotions better. lesser break downs though sometimes i feel the lost. however i gained a very special friend in life. i still feel the lost and i need more time to get over it. and some people are just a pain in the ***. haha. plain rude. damn rude. you think you're such a big shot is it? haha. whatever. get a life boy. go fly some kite or go treat your girlfriend better. haha. and i have a sudden craving for k-box. and korean songs. haha. i wanna sing '...a murderer..' haha. esh, lets go k-boxing soon. haha. after mmr exam can? haha. and ohh i wear a ring size 17. *hint hint* to the kind souls out there. haha. i wouldn't say im over you.  but i can say that im over us.you're still loved by me. |
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/ 12:50 AM friendship bliss Fid Fid Fid, Your smile is sugary sweet Your laughter is contagious  and Your screams are dangerous Fid Fid Fid Its been a while since we last meet I hope u dun grow thin day by day If u do, i really duno wad to say Fid Fid Fid, I missed you to bits. The endless talks we used to do, The non-stop laughing to make us feel less blue Fid Fid Fid, I know Im no one to lead, But even if u grow weak, dear woman Im a friend for you, send from heaven. Thank you love for the poem. Very cute. Hehe. Let's meet and then I shall scream k.. Then we see how dangerous it is.. Whahaha. I love Dian Syahidah! Haha. =) |
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Tuesday, February 19, 2008/ 9:10 PM if being in isolation meant i could gain what i lost. i will do it As I sit and ponder Dear god, please make me strong again. To face this world alone. Dear god, please make me strong again. To face all obstacles alone. Dear god, please punish me for all the wrongdoings that ive done. To the people that i love the most. Dear god, thank you for bringing love into my life. Thank you for letting me feel love in that short period of time. A love that I can never live without. A love that got me in cloud nine all the days. A love that I truly love and adore. A love that was unconditional. Somehow, along the journey, I hurt that love of mine. And somethings cannot be undone. Somethings just leave a huge mark in my love's life. In my love's heart. Im sorry for hurting my love. Im sorry love for hurting you. Im sorry love for breaking your heart. Im sorry love for all the hurtful words. And you say you need space as a friend. If being in isolation will give me back what i lost, i am willing to do that. I will give you that space. I will give you just that. All i want is just your happiness and may you find true love again. Someone whom you can click with and share your life, sorrows and your joys with. You will never hear of me again. But i just want you to know that im still here and i'll always care. Love, Afidah |
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Monday, February 18, 2008/ 10:15 PM im delusional. thats how i survive  i am delusional.i took a leap of faith, plucked up my courage to face you and there you were looking as sweet as ever it was then i realised how could i hurt you when all i want is your happiness i am delusional. your simple hi made my day i long for that hi, i long to see you i long to look at you just being you i loved seeing you happy and at peace i am delusional. i walked out the store with a bouncy and smiling heart my thoughts were filled of you your voice resides in my head the sight of you made my heart leap i am delusional. my heart smiled seeing that you're okay my heart leaped seeing how peaceful you looked  im sorry baby im sorry for what ive done all the grief ive hurt you all the tears you shed for my childishness im sorry darling for all the hurtful words it hurts me when we fight and argue it hurts me when you're hurt im sorry sweetness i know a broken heart is hard to mend please let me be the one to mend and heal your broken heart "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves". - William Shakespeare - |
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/ 9:13 PM heartlanders i "ponteng-ed" class today. what is the chance of me ponteng-ing class. haha. this happens only when i have cloudy and blurred mind. i woke up at the wrong side of my bed and i didn't feel like going to school. my mind was clouded and filled with so many thoughts that managed to ease up after reading the secret by rhonda brynes. i need a clear mind to start my day and today just wasn't my day afterall. or is it just mass media research. darn.  we did work over at coffeebean and we had coffee with belgian chocolate. became high and hyper for a few minutes then we got really tired and shagged. i read the secret and i have to start believing in myself more.  a la la la la long. haha. |
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Sunday, February 17, 2008/ 10:39 PM its too late to apologize i'm sorry dear friend for tormenting you so i'm sorry dear friend for hurting you so i'm sorry dear friend for being a bitch i'm sorry dear friend for hurting your feelings. but i guess its too late for me. things cannot be undone. i can't bear losing him. i can't bear seeing him walk away from me. please don't walk away from me. ive said things out of anger and sadness and grief. ive said unwanted things to you. ive said things out of frustration. ive said things out of desperation. there is never any point of time that i would think of hurting you. there was never any point of time that i would want to hurt you. but i guess its too late. i can't change fate. there's nothing i can do but to apologize profusely. i never wanted to hurt you. im sorry. im really sorry. i shall die a thousand death. all i need is another chance. all i need is you by my side. all i need is you. all i need is just another chance. |
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