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Tuesday, April 15, 2008/ 9:45 PM a pretty content lady. life has been awesome. apart from working my ass off at work, which now then i realise that i've been spending more time at work then at home. haha. but can't be helped lah. was talking to a colleague over lunch at work and i realise that we can never be content with what we have. we're searching for the things that makes us happy and the more we keep searching for it, the more unsatisfied we will be. i have currently financial stability, educational achievements, a bright future but somehow something is missing. something which i cannot comprehend, something i cannot see yet i could feel right to my bones. i am hiding behind the mask that i put on every single day. i watch with envy as my friends have that someone to spend their mundane days with (i am a human being as you all know). but my believe in love has been tarnished by love itself. i smile and i laugh and i joke just to prove to myself that i am stronger than what i thought i could be. well, i am but there's just something bugging me deep down inside. camwhoring don't make a difference now cos all i can see is just an empty soul, sometimes hiding behind tons of makeup. makeup doesn't make any difference at all. it hides the physical sorrows but the emotional hurt still shows in the end. so what's the point then? well atleast, i know i feel much better by acting brave and strong around people. im just sceptical about love now. it doesn't exist anymore. love made fun of my feelings, love cheated me of my own feelings, love basically cheated me. by having an affair with pain and separation. but somehow, i know the right person is out there for everyone. damn, im optimistic yet im a freaking pessimist. In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. ~i don't make sense anymore.~ im a mere speck of dust on Earth afterall. |
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